Confession: I really like kinbaku. (That’s Japanese rope bondage, for those of you uninitiated.) I like the process of becoming art at the hands of someone I trust and I like feeling helpless in a safe environment.
I’m also asexual.
This becomes something of an issue. Seeing as bondage is a rather sexual thing. I mean, I’m sure there must be other people out there who like it for its aesthetic experience, or people who enjoy its sensuality without its sexuality. But in your everyday conversation about kink if I say “I like kinbaku” people raise an eyebrow because what the fuck is a kinky asexual girl?
The other part of this that people don’t really get is the whole rape survivor bit. “If you’re a rape survivor, why do you like being dominated?” The answer is, I don’t. But Japanese bondage is slow and intricate and even if I am technically the sub I’m still in control, I can stop it at any time. I think this is a big misunderstanding people of have about BDSM in general. It’s safe.
I suppose the conclusion to all of this is that sexuality is complicated and it really allows for all permutations and combinations. If you were going to label everybody’s sexuality, you would need seven billion labels.