December 2011
183 posts
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I think I might need to go to the hospital again.
I need to be safe.
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maps & ink (29-12-2011)
fluidly:
I. i want to wear a Visscher map along the contours of my body: incomplete, a guess, the best shot you can get in untamed darkness, wilderness; i
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Brain Death
I graduated from a top college, at the top of my class, and yet I will spend the rest of my short life medicated, fat and stupid, living off of psychiatric disability checks and food stamps, my slow brain death punctuated only by the acrid disappointment of my friends and family.
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My medications have me in a fog. It’s really terrible. The doctor said it should wear off in a few days. I hope she’s right, because right now I’m pretty mad at her. Or I would be if I was capable of feeling anything.
Sometimes I feel like psychiatrists just sedate the hell out of us because they are giving up. They can’t solve our problems so they’ll just numb the...
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Everyone: How are you feeling this morning, Amy?
Me: I'm not.
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“We just had a meeting and we unanimously decided that you embody...”
– archymedius
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You all have fun partying & drinking. I'd rather...
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348. →
girlbrokendown:
We had always wondered ‘why us?’ or how all of this happened clawing at meanings because they told us that everything happened for a reason so we began to trade what was left of our minds for answers, absolutes that we never found with a purpose that ate at our hearts until we were cold, bitter and cursing our fate when we were just singular beings among billions, incapable of...
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Three new medications today. I feel like a lab rat. Hopefully these work. And hopefully I don’t gain too much weight. Bleh.
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poem #50
My emotions run, Rising and raging Like spring thunderstorms Rushing down from the Winter-veiled mountains. I am on the train, Watching the city Flood by the windows As I ride along; Dancing this snake dance. The man beside me Humming to himself Songs of redemption And healing in God— Does he know I’m here? And I have tears in my burning green eyes. The submarine world Scoops me up and...
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I just need to stay alive until my family gets here tonight.
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archymedius asked: 1. What is your favorite article of clothing?
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fluidly replied to your post: Once upon a time, I felt like my new meds were…
I love you, and I know with BPD it’s hard to imagine I’ll never leave, maybe impossible to imagine, but as someone with BPD myself, know that doing that to someone else would kill any decency I feel I have. I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.
I know promises shouldn’t be made lightly, and it’s...
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Once upon a time, I felt like my new meds were working. After a few bad mood swings today, I feel like they’re not.
It’s been a rough week emotionally. I’m mad at my therapist. I’m self-harming again. Having thoughts of suicide, though nothing like how I was before I went to the hospital. I feel like fluidly and I are starting to be pretty good friends, but making a new...
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Things
(“ask me anything” edition)
1. What is your favorite article of clothing?
2. When was your first real kiss?
3. What fictional character do you want to kiss?
4. What do you think you are best at?
5. Where do you want to live?
6. Where do you want to die?
7. What do you need to complete before you die?
8. When was a time when you felt hopeful?
9. Who do you turn to when you need...
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poem #47
I wander the frozen riverbank, searching for the cold water below the glassy film of ice. I occasionally find a crack, a fissure, a weakness, but never touching the world beneath. I hold my dreams against the ice and feel them bend away, fearing the cold. Feeling their lives threatened by demons we face in winter.
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fluidly replied to your photo
beautiful.
Thank you! ♡ Your writing is beautiful too.